cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
