There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize