My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
