roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
