Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
