Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
