It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
