You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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