Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
