What a fucking waste of an outfit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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