ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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