I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
