i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
