CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
