Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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