The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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