I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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