i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize