just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize