I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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