How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
