Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize