that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
