if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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