i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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