Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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