the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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