Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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