Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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