he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
