I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
