you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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