This girl is more easily done than said...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
