just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Semen is not good for contacts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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