Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
