You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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