remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize