I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
