Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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