just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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