i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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