I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
