So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
