Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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