I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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