Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
