Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
