I CAN MOONWALK!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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