Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
