i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
