i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
