I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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