Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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