I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
