He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
