Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
