don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
