the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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