i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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