I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
