It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
