That's intense
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
