my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
