I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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