i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
