so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
