I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
