no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
