As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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