I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
