I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Couch. On fire.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
