What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
