I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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