You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
