Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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