as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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