he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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