I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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