I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
