Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
