Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
