I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
