My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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