I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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