Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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