this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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